Johannesburg

It was December 25th, Johannesburg, South Africa. Though 6,000 feet above sea level, with low humidity, it was sizzling hot. People in sandals and shorts were bustling about exchanging presents. There were Carols musically illustrating snow and cold and the Infant shivering in the stable. The Church was decorated with red ribbon bows and fake wreathes. But Somehow the greeting “Merry Christmas” seemed forced and artificial as people spoke of going down to the Durban beach for a few days. Everything was out of focus under the Southern Cross.

Why were they playing “I’m Dreaming of a White Christmas” so much? Hearing Bing Crosby endlessly croon “I’ll be home for Christmas” nearly had me bawling like a two year old. I was a recently ordained baby priest sent thousands of miles away from home to replace a battered old veteran, badly in need of a taste of his home land.

I was very homesick, green, innocent and frightened. I was raised in NYC’s Hell’s Kitchen to be vigilant, trust few, and keep your guard up.

Additionally in strange Africa, poor food, pedestrian communication, so-so transportation, Apartheid and ‘Tea-time’. Not my milieu, this South Africa.

With some pals!

But mirabile dictu, Christmas Day two years hence, I was eager to sign up for life in this wonderful country where I had multitudes of friends, endless calls for my services, wide open opportunities testing my various inclinations for preaching, counseling, radio, even producing Parish theatre, and encouraging young talent. I felt fulfilled. Even happy.

Is it that human beings can get used basically to anything—perhaps, barring hanging? Did I and do I often overlook opportunities for fulfillment right under my Jewish nose?

Healthy adaptation means assessing one’s environment. What is there for me in this matrix? Is there a friendly face? Is there any kind of support system for me with my own specific skills and interests? Can I laugh and not take myself TOO seriously? Where should I Iook? Church? Business? Recreation?

What about Meaning? Is God available for my fundamental support? Do I believe Him when He says: “Ask Me and you shall receive”? It is probably true that I don’t even see my opportunities but let them pass me by.

At the Paulist house in Johannesburg

Do I let my instinct of curiosity shrivel when there are so many mysteries to penetrate? I want to learn how the human heart functions. I want to know how an atom differs from a molecule. The difference between a virus and a bacterium. Why do air planes fly? Why do people commit suicide? Why can’t we beat cancer? How can I learn to write better? Can love be real and other-directed? What is infinity?

Boredom means I am missing at least one piston. I am not using properly some aspect of the wonder in me…. Rather, let us get wide eyed like a child ——asking why and how and who!

Is life meant to be appropriately enjoyed? It’s not up to New York to decide, as Sinatra suggests. It always comes back to this: I am my own worst enemy. I must make the decision. I must take responsibility for my life and blame no one. To do that and be adaptable, one must stand tall, look around, grow up and make the best of one’s world. Self designated “victimhood’ is never the real answer.

Better to say some heartfelt prayers and wait for the surprises.